Enhance self-esteem with new ways of relating to yourself

Many factors contribute to your level of self-esteem, such as age, thoughts, lived experiences, genetics, values, beliefs and being constantly being treated disrespectfully.

Your thoughts have the biggest impact on your self-esteem. Your thoughts are impacted by your lived experiences, and the meanings you have attached to them. Luckily, you can learn new skills for managing and controlling with your thoughts.

Many of the negative beliefs you have today derive from the messages you’ve received from your past. Messages from the people in your life. Messages from society and culture. Maybe even messages you might have misinterpreted and believe… even if they’re not true.

During the time we work together, you will learn new and helpful ways of relating to yourself. You will learn to let the helpful thoughts in and keep the unhelpful thoughts out.

People pleasing and empathy

Sometimes people who hope to improve their self-esteem, who are also empathetic, are people pleasers. For a multitude of reasons, you may have subconsciously learnt to prioritise other people’s needs ahead of your own.

Your needs matter, too

Putting your needs first is not selfish. It simply means you are valuing yourself and that you are human. That is okay to do. You are a human being with needs, too.

When a plane is in a crisis, who do they say to put the oxygen mask on first? Yourself – then you can help others.

Of course, like most things, there is a balance. However, if you are empathetic, it is unlikely you will end up at the opposite end of the spectrum waltzing around, blissfully unaware of how your actions might be negatively impacting other people’s feelings.

Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm

Adults have boundaries. Look at the people you most admire and respect – it is likely they have boundaries. A person with limited boundaries has a hard time sticking up for themselves or saying “no” to other people, even if they want to.

Working on your boundaries will help increase your self-esteem and confidence in yourself. You will learn how to stand up for what you believe in, speak your truth and how to set boundaries that energise and protect you.

Boundaries are limits or rules we set in relationships. Think of boundaries like the fence you have around your property. Why do you have a fence? To protect yourself from others. A fence keeps in what you want and keeps out what you don’t want. Boundaries will help you communicate when something is or isn’t okay with you.

Boundaries sound like:

• “This is what I need/I’d prefer…” (Remember, you don’t always have to give an explanation of why you need or want something.)

• “I thought about what you were saying earlier and it’s not okay.”

• “I understand you are angry, but please don’t speak to me that way.”

• “I won’t be able to make it tonight. Have a great time!”

Working on your self-esteem will also allow you to admit your flaws… but live with a more balanced view of yourself.